Punch The Clock
- Let Them All Talk
- Everyday I Write The
Book
- The Greatest Thing
- The Element Within Her
- Love Went Mad
- Shipbuilding
- TKO (Boxing Day)
- Charm School
- The Invisible Man
- Mouth Almighty
- King Of Thieves
- Pills And Soap
- The World And His Wife
- Heathen Town
- The Flirting Kind
- Walking On Thin Ice
- Town Where Time Stood
Still
- Shatterproof
Let Them All Talk
Hear what I say
See what I do
Believe me now I'm all over you
All over you
I know a place
A CERTAIN VERY TENDER SPOT
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT
Listening to the sad song that the radio plays
Have we come this fa-fa-fa to find a soul cliche
Let them talk
Let them talk
Let them all talk
Oh yeah we're killing time
Just to KEEP YOU CLOCKING ON
These are the best years of your life
Now they're here and gone
Do the world a service
And you could do yourself a favour
WHOSE TONGUE NOW IS TASTING LAST WEEK'S FLAVOUR
Our day will come
When you have squandered all your youth
To have and to hold
A stranger to the truth
Listening to the sad song that the radio plays
Have we come this fa-fa-fa to find a soul cliche
Let them talk
Everyday I Write The Book
Don't tell me you don't know what love is
When you're old enough to know better
WHEN YOU FIND STRANGE HANDS IN YOUR SWEATER
When your dreamboat turns out to be a footnote
I'm a man with a mission in two or three editions
And I'm giving you a longing look
Everyday, everyday, everyday I write the book
Chapter One we didn't really get along
Chapter Two I think I fell in love with you
You said you'd stand by me in the middle of Chapter Three
But you were up to your old tricks in Chapters Four, Five and Six
The way you walk
The way you talk, and try to kiss me, and laugh
In four or five paragraphs
All your compliments and your cutting remarks
Are captured here in my quotation marks
Don't tell me you don't know the difference
Between a lover and a fighter
With my pen and my electric typewriter
Even in a perfect world where everyone was equal
I'd still own the film rights and be working on the sequel
The Greatest Thing
EVERYONE STOPPED WHEN SHE WALKED INTO THE ROOM
Isn't this the greatest thing
Everyone own up but nobody could touch her
Isn't this the greatest thing
PUNCH THE CLOCK keep boxing clever
You'll be young enough for ever
Isn't this the greatest thing
Isn't this THE GREATEST THING
I heard some new confection
Said we can't afford to feel affection
And it's the lastest thing
In and out of matrimony
Never once removed the Sony
'Cos it's a status thing
So girls like that above described
Are not to be so easily bribed
With a white frock and a ring
PUNCH THE CLOCK and in time you'll get pulled apart
IF YOU'RE MARRIED ON PAPER AND NOT IN YOUR HEART
But I won't be told that life with the one you love is sordid
Just because some authority says you can't afford it
Since nights were long and days were olden
Woman to man has been beholden
But since then times have been changing
She sends back HIS TRIBUTE OF A ROSE
And says this ring is better suited for the nose
He's always fingering
I PUNCH THE CLOCK and it's OK
I KNOW A GIRL WHO TAKES MY BREATH AWAY
And it's the greatest
And it's the greatest thing
The Element Within Her
It's the element within her
Something under her skin
That is shining out through the face of the girl
Two sapphires and couple of rows of pearls
It's just a part of it
Like your fine tresses
You know what my guess is
La la la la la la la la la la la
He was a PLAYBOY
Could charm the birds right out of the trees
Now he says 'What do I do with these?'
La la la la la la la la la la la
This love in my heart
Let no-one set asunder
Sometimes I wonder
La la la la la la la la la la la
But back in the bedroom
With her electric heater
I SAY 'ARE YOU COLD?'
SHE SAYS 'NO, BUT YOU ARE LA'
Love Went Mad
I've looked at it every way I can
From under and above
And every chance I've had
My love went mad
Love went mad love went mad
You you feel like I feel?
Do you have a heart?
DO YOU HAVE A HEART OF IRON AND STEEL?
Are you a man now you wear a man's hat?
Are you a man now or are you a rat?
You go to church quiet as a mouse
You're a big cheese now in the workhouse
With these vulgar fractions of the treble clef
I wish you luck with a capital 'F'
A self-made mug is hard to break
A silent partner in someone else's mistake
Every day goes by without a hitch
YOU FEEL THE URGE BECOMING AN ITCH
The boys in blue are hard to catch
They're busy turning Piccadilly
Into Brands Hatch
But with your fingers in your ears
Feeling bright as a button
Thinking 'THANK GOD THERE'LL BE NO MORE
LAMB DRESSED AS MUTTON'
Playing family favourites on a tissue and a comb
DYING A THOUSAND DEATHS
IN THE SAFETY OF YOUR OWN HOME
Shipbuilding
Is it worth it
A new winter coat and shoes for the wife
And a bicycle on the boy's birthday
It's just a rumour that was spread around town
By the women and children
Soon we'll be shipbuilding
Well I ask you
The boy said 'DAD THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE ME TO TASK
BUT I'LL BE BACK BY CHRISTMAS'
It's just a rumour that was spread around town
Somebody said that someone got filled in
For saying that people get killed in
The result of this shipbuilding
With all the will in the world
Diving for dear life
When we could be diving for pearls
It's just a rumour that was spread around town
A telegram or a picture postcard
Within weeks they'll be re-opening the shipyards
And notifying the next of kin
Once again
It's all we're skilled in
We will be shipbuilding
WITH ALL THE WILL IN THE WORLD
DIVING FOR DEAR LIFE
WHEN WE COULD BE DIVING FOR PEARLS
TKO (Boxing Day)
You can run all you like from the classroom or the cot
From a great big man or a tiny tot
But from this day everyday will be BOXING DAY
Don't need your indecision let there be no doubt
Don't need you permission I can count you out
TKO
They put the numb into number they put the cut into cutie
They put the slum into slumber and the boot into beauty
But from this day everyday will be BOXING DAY
It's a fight to the finish let there be no doubt
As the seconds turn into minutes I can count you out
TKO
You need a back to break or a back to stab
NOW YOUR BIRTHDAY SUIT LOOKS DULL AND DRAB
But from this day everyday will be BOXING DAY
NOW YOU DON'T LOOK SO GLAMOROUS
WHENEVER I FEEL SO AMOROUS
I CAN COUNT YOU OUT
TKO
Charm School
Men made out of monkeys
Men made into mice
Happy days are here again
And all the drinks half price
A girl with a trick and a man with a calling
Trying to make a living out of your downfalling
TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING out of anything at all
Didn't they teach you anything except how to be cruel
In that charm school
You and I as lovers
Were nothing but a farce
TRYING TO MAKE A SILK PURSE
OUT OF A SOW'S ARSE
Saying 'Why don't you watch me'
Hardly speaking SOTTO VOCE
I've got a notion
I've got an angle
Take your dreams and promises
And put them through the mangle
They say it's hell to finance too
And I just want to romance you
In this perpetual nightclub
I'll be yours eternal
Though the hours are long
And the noise infernal
JUST ONE SHAMEFUL ACT OR SOMETIMES TWO
WE MAKE BELIEVE WE'RE MAKING DO
The Invisible Man
I WAS COMMITTED TO LIFE AND THEN COMMUTED TO THE OUTSKIRTS
With all the love in the world
Living for thirty minutes at a time with a break in the middle for adverts
But it's a wonderful world within these cinema walls
WHERE A SHOWER OF AFFECTION BECOMES NIAGARA FALLS
And you wish she could step down from the screen to your seat in the stalls
BUT IF STARS ARE ONLY PAINTED ON THE CEILING ABOVE
Then who can you turn to and who do you love
I want to get out while I still can
I want to be like Harry Houdini
Now I'm the invisible man
My head is spinning round faster and faster
Here I stand on the edge of disaster
I'm shattered like a piece of crystal porcelain or alabaster
Crowds surround loudspeakers hanging from the lampposts
Listening to the murder mystery
Meanwhile someone's hiding in the classroom
Forging books of history
NEVER MIND THERE'S A GOOD FILM SHOWING TONIGHT
WHERE THEY HANG EVERYONE EVERYBODY WHO CAN READ AND WRITE
OH THAT COULD NEVER HAPPEN HERE BUT THEN AGAIN IT MIGHT
Mouth Almighty
This town belongs to you and your tricks of confidence
All the pavements for miles around are littered with your footprints
Now every girl I get close to seems to be wearing your perfume
And the clock strikes the letters of your name
Both midnight and noon
But I used to shoot my mouth off
Till you'd had enough of me
Once or twice nightly
I know I've got my faults
And among them I CAN'T CONTROL MY TONGUE
But if you didn't believe me
Why did you have to leave me
With my mouth almighty
Mouth almighty that's what I've got
Mouth almighty telling you what's what
Mouth almighty
I wish I'd never opened my mouth almighty
SO I THREW AWAY THE ROSE AND HELD ONTO THE THORN
Crawling round with my crooner cufflinks and my calling card cologne
But the realization of being replaced starts to tell tales across my
face
Without a soul to talk to or a hair out of place
King Of Thieves
I had forgotten all about 'The Case Of The Three Pins'
THEY SAID I MUST BE CRACKED
Until the brown paper parcel landed on my welcome mat
Even the pretty secretaries who wouldn't even
Let me HANG MY HAT
All recognize my handwriting
And return to sender as a matter of fact
If I were you I'd change my name again
They don't care what they do to you believe me
This is the coronation of the King of Thieves
His occupation is the King of Thieves
He can steal more than you can save
You can take him on, but you're not that brave
I'll tell your fortune in a minute or two
I might even tell you what comes next
The moguls want a HUMAN SACRIFICE
AND LOOK AT THAT GIRL, YOUNG HUNGRY AND PERPLEXED
They took away the best years of her life
Ah but it's all in good fun
And if you kept you nose clean
You can laugh now at the caring things they've done
I'll write this story down, but you'll never guess the
Final twist
Blow the whistle on the whole design
As they find my name on that fatal mailing list
I hear the clatter of a typewriter
Another rookie eating up the reams
I think it's time to place my feet under the desk
And PUT MY MARK ON ANOTHER MAN'S DREAMS
This is the coronation of the King of Thieves
And look at that girl
Look at that girl
LOOK AT THAT GIRL
Pills And Soap
They talked to the sister, the father and the mother
With a microphone in one hand and a chequebook in the other
AND THE CAMERA NOSES IN TO THE TEARS ON HER FACE
The tears on her face
The tears on her face
You can put them back together with your paper and paste
But you can't put them back together
You can't put them back together
What would you say?
What would you do?
Children and animals two by two
Give me the needle
Give me the rope
We're going to melt them down for PILLS AND SOAP
Give me the needle
Give me the rope
We're going to melt them down for pills and soap
Four and twenty crowbars, jemmy your desire
Out of the frying pan into the fire
The king is in the counting house
Some folk have all the luck
And all we get are pictures of LORD AND LADY MUCK
They come from lovely people with a hard line in hypocrisy
THERE ARE ASHTRAYS OF EMOTION FOR THE FAG ENDS OF THE ARISTOCRACY
The sugar coated pill is getting bitterer still
YOU THINK YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU BUT YOU KNOW IT NEVER WILL
So pack up your troubles in a stolen handbag
DON'T DILLY DALLY BOYS RALLY ROUND THE FLAG
Give us your daily bread in individual slices
And something in the daily rag to cancel any crisis
The World And His Wife
The family circle gather round from very far and near
To pass around the same remarks they passed away last year
The little girl you dangle on your knee without mishap
STIRS SOMETHING IN YOUR MEMORY
AND SOMETHING IN YOUR LAP
But it's a living
This is the life
For the world and his wife
The world and his wife
The kissing cousins slip outside to cuddle and confess
She says sweet nothing at all it's much more of a mess
The conversation melts like chocolate down their open jaws
As the juniper berry slips down just like last night's drawers
To tell the truth our Mum ran off with someone else's father
WENT FOR TWO WEEKS' HOLIDAY IN TARAMASALATA
Daddy went out with the rubbish and he kept on walking
Between Mum and the walls
God only knows who does the talking
But later on in the evening through the tears and fol de rol
Come the sentimental feelings for the lure of vitriol
Longing thoughts go hankering for the old home overseas
WITH A BLINDFOLD AND A NATIONAL ANTHEM
SUNG IN DIFFERENT KEYS
Heathen Town
They used to call it Sin City
now it's gone way past that.
Painting the town
and then burning it down
now even that's old hat.
Now there's a choir of angels
at the fall of Rome
singing "Ave Maria"
or "Home Sweet Home"
Chorus:
It's just a heathen town
I hear only evil
as my tongue is tightened.
I used to be god-fearing
now I'm so frightened
'cause the devil will drag you under
by the sharp tailfin
of your checkered cab
And I can't sit down,
I'm going overboard
in this heathen town.
It starts as a flirtation
and ends up as an expensive habit.
With one eye on her place
in debtor's prison
And the other on a girl
dressed as a rabbit.
Now you can live forever
endure fits and starts
The only stake you cannot raise
Is the one driven through your heart.
Chorus
The Flirting Kind
She used to be the flirting kind
But the boy loved her anyway
He made up his mind
She said, What's a girl to do to be content?
Use your imagination
Time to experiment
Make love like a punishment
So they call her the flirting kind
The flirting kind
You better stop
Stop your running round
I got everything I wanted
I could make up for lost ground
With the flirting kind
The flirting kind
Your love is best
But I'll leave like the rest
The flirting kind
The flirting kind
They say that her fate is sealed
But she's much too beautiful to ever yield
She says, What's a girl to do to be content?
Use your imagination
Time to experiment
Make love like a punishment
So they call her the flirting kind
The flirting kind
She's crying in her sleep
For a man tone deaf
So is a man all over
He's all over, all over town
With the flirting kind
The flirting kind
Your love is best
But I'll leave like the rest
The flirting kind
The flirting kind
Walking On Thin Ice
Walking on thin ice, I'm paying the price.
I'm throwing the dice in the air.
Why must we learn it the hard way
And play the game of life with our hearts?
I gave you my life, you gave me your life.
Like a gush of wind in my hair.
Why do we forget what's been said
And play the game of life with our hearts?
I may cry someday. A kiss will dry whichever way.
And when my heart returns to ashes, it will be just a story.
It will be just a story.
And you go and try to walk across the lake
Crossed it with winter and all of this is ice
A terrible thing to do. They say the lake is as thick as the ocean.
I wonder if she knew?
Town Where Time Stood Still
I made my selection from the lonely hit parade
In the town where time stood still
I was feeling very little pain
Until some joker played "Almost Persuaded"
Now every girl I see
Looks so much prettier to me
My faithfulness has faded
And their looks established daggers
And the conversation heated
Since the boys had all been late
I found them walking round defeated
In the town where time stood still
Somebody in charge must have pretended
The future's been suspended
And I say I don't want trouble
But I find myself back in it
In the town where time stood still
I am the man of the minute
Teach me to say "I love you"
I'll teach you to say "You will do"
In the town where time stood still
A way (?) that I can find a little girl
To wind me up with all the usual spells
There's nothing else to do but rearrange somebody's future
And check your figures in the till
The bar is full of girls just like the creature with the curse
And the food is just like cabaret and vice versa
In the town where time stood still
Just as my heart (went down) sinking
I found the town was shrinking
And suddenly I saw her through the smoke and empty beers
In the town where time stood still
She might have well have waited years
Now I suppose we did some things we used to do
But no amount of darkness could ever turn her into you
And so I woke up in the town where time stood still
With a headache and a heartache
And a handful of pills
A welcome mat, a scandal rag and unpaid bills
With her head inside her handbag
The sign says "please wait to be seated"
I only want a cup of coffee
I know you can't have your cake and eat it
In the town where time stood still
Did you hear the news today?
It's all bad; they'll be howling after sunset
With a headache and a heartache
And an hour or two to kill
I only wish we were together...
In the town where time stood still
Shatterproof
I see those newlyweds, their eyes wide and believing
They bill and coo at the mention of Chez Nous
Appearances can be deceiving
It's just a door and a window
Four walls and a roof
But a home of your own would be shatterproof
A door and a window
Four walls and a roof
But a home of your own would be shatterproof
We papered over all the cracks and painted a cat's lick and a promise
The landlord was a man of few words, and most of them were ominous
It's just a door and a window
Four walls and a roof
But a home of your own would be shatterproof
A door and a window
Four walls and a roof
But a home of your own would be shatterproof
It was nothing really to write home about
Then one day it all appears too much
Here comes my little hammer and its shatterproof touch
He said, "Be practical,
These are most unreasonable demands.
Forget about the broken spectacles and the damage to your hand."
It's just a door and a window
Four walls and a roof
And the doctors say I'm almost shatterproof
