It's all in Teazers, your caring, sharing Teazers... and welcome to this week's pulse-pounding, drama-drenched edition of General Hospital, wherein Elvis Costello and The Attractions discover that they definitely don't love the sound of breaking glass.
Attractions bass player Bruce Thomas was in a more than expansive mood backstage at Manchester's Rafters Club after a particularly ace gig and decided to demonstrate the classic barroom brawl method of breaking a bottle. Unfortunately, his coordination was somewhat impaired and Bruce messed up his right hand very seriously. The massive gouge required eighteen stitches and a skin graft operation will undoubtedly be necessary.
Nick Lowe deputised for the injured Thomas at a Hemel Hempstead gig on Sunday night, having learned the entire set at the sound check, and according to Them As Was There, Basher performed heroically. However, due to prior commitments, he won't be able to do the rest of the British tour with Elvis, so Jake and Co. are hurriedly (not to say frenziedly) hunting down a bass player to deputise. The situation is complicated by the fact the Elvis is setting off for yet another canter round the Americas next week.
For the upcoming Roundhouse dates, Elvis is planning "an experimental show" featuring a lengthy acoustic segment. Those ticket-holders who feel short-changed by this can return their £2 tickets and get a refund plus an extra quid to compensate them for travel expenses. All tickets returned will be sold on the day for £1 each. We here at Teazers reckon that you'd have to be some kind of natural-born fool to chop in your tickets, but that's your business.
In the meantime, Jake Riviera emphasises that Bruce Thomas is still in the band however long it takes him to get fit again, and on behalf of everyone here at NME (and, we hope, all of you lot) Teazers extends its very best Get Well Soon hand of friendship to Beleaguered Bruce.
There's more info on the accident and its consequences in the News Pages, so on with the show...