The Boy Named If lyrics

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Farewell, OK

Farewell, OK
You'll be on your way
You'll be on your own now
But to my dismay
I can't go on
After what you've done
There are two words that sound like "prey/pray"
But I'm not going to tell you which one I'm thinking of
Farewell, OK (Farewell, OK)
Farewell, OK

I thought you'd change
Get a little humble
You strike your strange disposition
Like a drummer hits a cymbal
And rings on in the vicinity
From an instant thrill to infinity
And that doesn't seem like a sin to me
Farewell, OK (Farewell, OK)
Farewell, OK

Ran my hand in the rhythm along the ballroom wall
Felt the rumble of the bass through the entrance hall
And the door flung open to a mascara cry
I can't shake the sound of "How could you or why?"
I can't get the stain off my hands ever since
From the fake marble pillar past a curtain of chintz
A splatter of steps on a chalk floor pattern
A trim of black lace on a hem of red satin

Goodbye, so long (So long, so long)
There's no right or wrong (No right or wrong)
This might be the final word I chance in the very last dance
The appeal of the trumpet to a pearl of red laughter
Of lipstick and kisses right here under the rafter
A fumble for heaven in a thimble of draft
And a seldom of Elvis in the velvet hereafter
Farewell, OK (Farewell, OK)
Farewell, OK (Farewell, OK)
Farewell, OK (Farewell, OK)
Farewell, OK (Farewell, OK)


The Boy Named If

I'm a lucky so and so
A fortunate stiff
You said you'd never knew me but I'm the one you want to be with
If I tumble from a tightrope or leap from a cliff
I won't be dashed to pieces
I'm the boy named "IF"

If I disappear and I slipper from your view
I just step upon a crack and I won't come back
Imagine me
And I'll imagine you too

In a hollow of the bed sheet
Or a picture in a frame
I'm vivid as a summer's day
Then never seen again
Who'll pay the taxman?
Who'll place the blame?
Who'll point into an empty room
And whisper my name?

If I disappear and I slipper from your view
You will step upon a crack and I won't come back
Imagine me
And I'll imagine you too

Take my hand
We'll go to "Magic Lantern Land"
Take my hand
See the pictures they've projected
Take my hand
We'll fill our pockets up with sand
Dance in frantic passes
'Til the grains all turn to glasses
Drums begin to navigate, the band strikes up a riff
No one will believe you but the
Boy Named If

Who'll pay your entrance fee?
Who'll leave a tip?
Who'll say, "Listen here, Sunshine
Don't you give me no lip"
Who broke your favourite heart?
Who stops and never starts?
Who kiss you stupid?
It must be something you did
Who'll keep you satisfied after a lover's tiff?
It must be some other guy not…
The Boy Named If

If I disappear and I slipper from your view
You will step upon a crack and I won't come back
Imagine me
And I'll imagine you too

Take my hand
We'll go to "Magic Lantern Land"
Take my hand
See the pictures we've projected
Take my hand
We'll fill our pockets up with sand
Dance in frantic passes
'Til the grains all turn to glasses


Penelope Halfpenny

Penelope Halfpenny sat on the desk
Then stretched and grinned
She cracked her spine
And so we sinned
While Ruth in red and Beckett in blue
Into the confessional flew
And in that box, unlocked their dreams
While lovers ran hands on nylon

Penelope, Penelope, Penelope Halfpenny

Penelope Halfpenny
Asked a great deal
Turned on her heel
Through her squandered ambitions while marking time
Taught lessons to all adjacent to crime
From her days reporting to the Scotland Yard blotter
Who got who and who got what
But none of that mattered not one jot
To Penelope, Penelope, Penelope, Penelope Halfpenny

Ruth in red tumbled from her bed although, I know
Beckett in blue, hung there bleeding from the springs below
Penelope, Penelope

Penelope she came and went
We assumed that all her savings were spent
Her style of drama and her shape of face
Disappeared with the dot of a decimal place
While Beckett in blue and Ruth in red
Might for all I know be dead
And to the church door both were driven
Or could be somewhere, happily living
Just in time to be forgiven
Penelope, Penelope, Penelope, Penelope Halfpenny


The Difference

I pulled a petal from the flower to tell just where my fortune fell
About a boy beyond my caution before I lay beneath his spell

And he said, "Do you know, do you know, do you, by chance, know wrong from right?"
"Do you know, do you know, do you know what turns pleasure to plight?
If you trust me, I know it may seem strange
I'll show you the way down into the underworld"

I did just what he asked me to
Lifted my skirt to show him my shoe
Upon a reel of the finest fiddlehead
Light as the dance around Milady's bed
The steps came faster at his insistence
'Til he showed me all about the difference

"It's not about the things I promised, it's not about the vow we broke
If I am faithless or dishonest it's just the gaze that you provoke"

And he said, "Do you know, do you know, do you, by chance, know wrong from right?"
"Do you know, do you know, do you know what turns pleasure to plight?
If you kiss me, at first it may seem strange
I'll show you the way into another world"

My father shamed me just like you
Buried my name in a glass or two
'Til he came to me in his darkest house
He mistook me, took me for his spouse
And my cries for a woman in the distance
So I took this knife to show him the difference

'Til he came to me in his darkest house
He mistook me, took me for his spouse
And my cries for the woman in the distance
So I used this knife to show him the difference


What If I Can't Give You Anything But Love?

I'll tell you my secrets
And you'll do the same
I'll lend you my name as an alias

I'll take the moonlight falling on your face
And the stars from up above
What if I can't give you anything but love?

Once hearing confession
Was my profession
Telling me things I don't need to know

So he opened up that door for you
The kind of thrill we'll never have
What if I can't give you anything but love?

Do you love me?
It's dangerous to answer in the dark
Do you need me? Hold on while I
Negotiate that spark
Anticipate an impulse, tell me what I'm supposed to do
Do you want me? Do you want me?
Like I want you…

When this is over
I'll go back to my wife
I'm the man that she lives with in that other life

When this is over
I'll go back to your dreams
But I'm not quite the man that I used to be

I recall the moonlight falling on your face
You are all that I adore
What if I can't give you anything more?

Don't you need me, Baby?
Not one little bit?
Don't fix me with that deadly gaze
It's a little close to pity

This time is overdue, tell me what I'm supposed to do
Do you want me? Do you want me?
Like I want you…

Your eyes wouldn't meet me
As we passed on the stairs
The night's not all it's cracked up to be

I recall the moonlight falling on your face
And the stars from up above
What if I can't give you anything but love?

I recall the moonlight falling on your face
The stars from up above
What if I can't give you
What if I can't give you
What if I can't give you anything but love?


Paint The Red Rose Blue

He was the youngest of five and the only son
He called his wife by a nickname as his father had done
Not the root
Not the branch
Not the flower or stem
He had the wildest of dreams but he rarely remembered them

Turn the red rose
Paint the red rose blue
What was he to do?
But turn the red rose

Turn the red rose
Paint the red rose blue
What was he to do?
But turn the red rose

The words that came to him
Both the lies and the threats
They arrived all too easily
But they ran up some debts
From the thunder of a pulpit
To the whispers of a lover
‘Til he found that he couldn't tell one from the other

Turn the red rose
Paint the red rose blue
What are we to do?
But paint the red rose

Turn the red rose
Paint the red rose blue
What are we to do?
But paint the red rose

He haunted the shadows
And waited until
They had secrets to sell him
And some practical skill
Theatrical blood is convenient to spill
He turned on the light switch and watched her undress
Oh, you’d never guess
What came next, unless

He said “All of these hours that I’ve skulked in the shade
The sun never struck me or made me afraid
Now she and I share unspeakable pain
I have to believe in something, in anything”

Turn the red rose
Paint the red rose blue
There’s nothing left to do but paint the red rose

Paint the red rose
Turn the red rose blue
There’s nothing left to do but paint the red rose blue


Mistook Me For A Friend

You took me in the stairwell light
Mistook me for a friend
A sign said, "Follow me into the night"
Mistook me for a friend

I had a pocket full of Presidents
A suitcase full of elements
The double-cross of spectacles
A mogul for mechanicals

Rainy streets were gleaming
Maybe I was dreaming
She thought that she heard wedding bells
A hundred thousand decibels

That crush and her confectioner said…
"Yeah, yeah, yeah"
Mistook you for a friend
She took my temperature
"Yeah yeah yeah"
Mistook me for a friend

You took your clothes off after you sent him away
Why now, baby, would you ask for me to stay
I knew it wasn't right
If I could just pretend
Mistook you for a friend

I was working miracles
For petty cash and chemicals
Dealt in the invisible
Something close to criminal
Don't act so mysterious
Pretend you're not curious
Started out peculiar
Ended up notorious

Milady and her jockey said…
"Yeah, yeah, yeah"
Mistook you for a friend
"This wine is going to my head
Yeah, yeah, yeah"
Mistook me for a friend

I saw you slumming last night out on Poverty Row
Why you lacked the nerve to leave him, I will never know
You took my glass and my ball of twine
While the words would blur and the windward whine
When I had no place to go
I said, "That I want you"

I count my money out to pay for contraband
I carry velvet gloves because the blood gets on your hands
It's easy to comprehend
Mistook me for a friend
Mistook me for a friend

I had a pocket full of Presidents
A suitcase full of elements
Double-cross of spectacles
A tycoon made of tentacles

Went to the carnival for candy and confusion
From a House of Silence
On a street of disillusion

That crush and her confectioner said…
"Yeah, yeah, yeah"
Mistook you for a friend
She took my temperature
"Yeah yeah yeah"
Mistook you for a friend

Try being free as you think you are
"Yeah, yeah, yeah"
Mistook you for a friend
See where it gets you and quite how far
"Yeah, yeah, yeah"
Mistook me for a friend


My Most Beautiful Mistake

She was a part-time waitress with a dream of greatness
That nobody knew of or even suspected
Though it was sometimes reflected in the slant of a mirror
It was buried so deep and so dear

She caught the eye of a guy passing by who said,
"My, if I prove to be faithless, you'll surely know why
Oh, why?
You'll probably know why"
Then again you may say
"Mister, you've got a nerve
Most of us never get just what we deserve"
I'll smile sweetly,
"I'm here at your service"

And the camera walks us through into a sunlit room
Where a one-hit wonder lives
And he says, "Action" and "That's a take"
You are my most beautiful mistake

"It's not your reputation I'm trying to besmirch"
"I'm here undercover, I'm writing this screenplay"
"You might be my inspiration, it's beyond my control"
"So it's my soulful and wounded expression, that you'd like to console?"

There's a hand that lingers a little too long
There are lies you will hear, that they're singing right now, right here, right here in this song

And the lens pulls the focus on his magnum opus
He's a one-hit wonder kid
And he says, "Action" and "That's a take"
You are my most beautiful mistake

He made a portrait of her face out of burnt out matches
She said "The trouble is, Sunshine, I know what the catch is…
You'll offer me nothing, you'll offer me riches
I've seen your kind before in courtroom sketches"

From the booth in the corner
From a different perspective
Where a man plays the fool or a private detective
He wrote her name out in sugar on a Formica counter
"You could be the game that captures the hunter"
Then he went out for cigarettes
As the soundtrack played The Marvelettes

Let me check the script
Check the continuity
You'll be up on that screen for eternity
The billboard will spit:
"That look!
That's it!"
Take a little pill and you will get over it
The light will hit you
If you drop that hint
Now "Cut" and "Print"

And the camera walks us through into a low-lit room
Where a one-hit wonder lives
And he says, "Action" and "That's a take"
You are my most beautiful mistake

She left a tip in the jar and a note at the door
It said, "I'm going away, I won't be back anymore
If the call should come later to commute my sentence"
"Dance a little jig for my repentance"
"Dance a little jig for my repentance"
"Dance a little jig for my repentance"


Magnificent Hurt

After talking in tongues
I began to preach
“What falls from the branch is an apple or peach”
Hold on to me
There's a Red Alert
It's the way you make me feel
Magnificent Hurt

I took a little walk
I took another stimulant
I shed a single tear
For my predicament
Don't act surprised or insolent
It's the way you make me feel
Magnificent Hurt

When we first met, I knew you were beautiful
You fit like the seat of a blue mohair suit
But the pain that I felt
Let me know I'm alive
And I opened my heart
To the way you make me feel
Magnificent Hurt

I speak low and intimate
Like a cardboard sophisticate
What if this is true love?
Not some town hall certificate
It's the way you make me feel
Magnificent Hurt

I stood at the door and I almost went through with it
Tight as the angle of my amen
And I swore there and then
As I feign and I flirt
I unbuttoned my shirt
To the way you make me feel
Magnificent Hurt
To the way you make me feel
Magnificent Hurt
It's the way you make me feel
It's the way you make me feel
Magnificent


The Man You Love To Hate

I went to a theatre on Silhouette Street
It had a taste of decay, and a scent of defeat
All of the patrons in the pews were people that I'd killed or used
The actors on the stage were equally skilled
The players took turns in lighting the fuse
One of them said "Now you must choose"

A man of infamy or ill-repute
And that's the one that we will execute

None of that mob had turned up late
They said, "You'd better concentrate
So start the show, 'cos we can't wait for"
The Man You Love To Hate

All of the patrons sitting on pews
Were the shades of the ghosts of the once accused
There was music that dragged in line and word
Not a penny was spent, or a conscience was spared
The hero's motives were never in doubt
We laughed at the speeches that he would spout
Suddenly there arose a shout

Confessions simply tumbled out
And marriage vows, that someone mumbled about

None of that mob had turned up late
They said, "You'd better concentrate
So start the show, 'cos we can't wait for"
The Man You Love To Hate.

The closing act
The first one billed
Into the limelight thrilled

The tale of a ship lured onto the rocks under
The cover of darkness, the hold was plundered
My mouth was parched my eyes red-rimmed
My false light shone
And my ghost light dimmed

I went to a house on Silhouette Street
Where I lived once and died once more
Awoke a woman I once adored
Her husband came to the door
In a masquerade of dignity
He said, "I'm pleased to meet you but you don't know me"
She took my money and handed me the key

The number on the fob was "999"
She whispered that's your room and this is mine
But that's a chamber that you can't afford
It's one door down, next to the Emergency Ward

None of that mob had turned up late
They said, "You'd better concentrate
So start the show, 'cos we can't wait for"
The Man You Love To Hate
The Man You Love To Hate

I'm a one party state
The Man You Love To Hate
The girl you used to care for
Without a why or wherefore
The country that I loved
Is just a problem to solve
Until we all disintegrate before
The Man You Love To Hate


The Death Of Magic Thinking

Sullen as a summer's day
Even as a winter's evening
Angels strumming overhead
27 seconds to touchdown

Switch on the landing lights
I turned up the radio
One day I'll buy a ticket for any place that I want to go

Now that I am so afraid to fly
Away from childish dreams
The Death Of Magic Thinking
The Death Of Magic Thinking

She took my hand in an experiment
Put it where it shouldn't be
Put it underneath her dress
And waited to see
I didn't know what to do
I didn't know what to say
It was just a game I guess
One that I didn't know how to play

But if I had never known that spark
Stumbled on in all innocence
With my machine that can turn ink stains into words
Lends honey to the hive and the melody to birds
The Death Of Magic Thinking

I can't stand on my head
I can't let go my tears
I can't control my anger
I can't admit my fears

Walked you to the prison gate
I didn't know what to say
Walked back to the car
Shed tears of my betrayal

They'll teach you well but not enough
A punching bag and all for nothing
Cartwheels you used to turn
You'll never learn
They'll never mention
The Death Of Magic Thinking

She took my hand in an experiment
Put it where it shouldn't be
Put it underneath her dress
And waited to see

I didn't know what to do
I didn't know what to say
It was just a game I guess
One I didn't know how to play

Now that you are leaving for some other place
Where they won't let me follow
I see you close the door
And deny you ever knew me
The Death of Magic Thinking
The Death of Magic Thinking


Trick Out The Truth

It's a sin to tell a lie
Until we trick out the truth
That depends on what you do and don't believe
What you have hidden up your sleeve

Younger than your shadow and as
Sweet as your tooth
What have you forbidden from my view?
What have you kept from me?
What have I held from you?

What will they say when they haul you away?
Will anyone miss you
Or kiss you
To say, "Goodbye?"
With a tear or a coin for your eye
When they finally trick out the truth

There are witches in the air
Jack o'lanterns on the stairs
And a wig to turn your hair electric blue
Ghouls are sighted
Children frighted
Superheroes and villains
Wondrous women by the millions
Who fade to the parade
And join the masquerade

Right outside your door
A werewolf and his claw
Painted faces with a penny chew and Kensington gore

Mussolini and his mistress in defeat
And a witness with a cutlass arrange a winding sheet
Singing "Leaning On A Lampost On The Corner Of The Street"

The Marxists cheer a working girl
Groucho, Chico, Harpo and Karl
She's tattooed from her head to toe
She's inky like a girl I know
A contagion of invidia
Just like the famous Lydia
Just like Helen, late of Troy
The Myna Bird, the Myrna Loy

Bud and Lou were wrestling in the parlour
Playing cards with Gustav Mahler
We are calling every hand and every hold

To a silent movie pianist
Accompanying the action
From our description and distraction

Playing vamps and trills and rambles, sound effects and rags and rumbles without even breaking stride
Just as the bloody vampire nips his bride

We were so scared that we knelt down to pray
With a bishop by Bacon
Who caused some dismay
Who summons up tormented souls doused with feathers and molasses
And the ashes of unholy crosses

Somebody has to die
Before we trick out the truth
I'll be coming back and I will turn the screw

Longer than the shadow of some pulp fiction sleuth
Standing in a costume of your choice
Lady Godiva on a horse
And Godzilla, of course

For should we part at the end of the day
When angels attend you to whisk you away
We are falling down deep
Like children into sleep
And the candy has been counted
And the bonfire will be haunted
By orphans who are heard but never seen
Each and every Halloween

What will they say when they haul you away?
Will anyone miss you
Or kiss you
To say, "Goodbye?"
With a tear or a coin for your eye
When they finally trick out the truth
When they finally trick out the truth


Mr. Crescent

Mr. Crescent
Heard the song of both the lark and the linnet
Played them both upon a parlour spinnet
One with only nine strings in it
Clinging to the sounding board
For that was all he could afford

Mr Crescent made a wager
On a landing stage
"If my ship comes in and the Starboard light is blue not green
And the Port light should be yellow not red
You'll say the hold is full of false promises
When I know it's gold instead"

Sister Honey said to Mr. Crescent
"Haven't you prayed away your doubt or isn't there
Anything more that I can bless?"

As she buttoned her blue boot in a state of bliss
Stared at the ceiling above their bed
Thought of something her mother had said

"Crescent is like a man I knew
Left me standing there with nothing but you
Don't be fooled now by his bill and coo
You'll be abandoned too, he'll leave you with an I.O.U."

Mr. Crescent sleeps quite late, then rises
Tries to stay out of the local assizes
Not one bird sings now he recognizes
He says "I'm so long from the land that I came from
I wonder where my Honey has gone,
I wonder where my Honey has gone"


Truth Drug

I've been taking the truth drug
I've been telling a friend
It's all right
I've been up all night

I've been taking the lid off
I've been telling a friend
Like it is
In the mood to fizz

Rushing here and there
Talking everywhere
I'll see everything
'Cause I don't care
Hands are getting wet
Drugs are feeling warm
I'm a modern boy
In the whole light of dawn
On the truth drug
On the truth drug baby

I've been taking the truth drug
I've been telling a friend
It's wonderful
Like an animal

I've been taking the truth drug
I've been telling a friend
It's all right
I've been up all night

One more
One more
One more

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The Boy Named If
The Boy Named If album cover.jpg
studio album by
Elvis Costello & The Imposters
Released2022
ProducerElvis Costello & Sebastian Krys
LabelCapitol
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