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As recorded by Aimee Mann on Bachelor No. 2
There's no charity in you
and that surprises me
I guess I thought you were a golden idol
'cause I called you majesty
On the balustrade,
you watched me hunt for tips
I was obliged to pick up from the passing trade
Chorus:
Hey, kids -- look at this
It's the fall of the world's own optimist
I could get back up if you insist
But you'll have to ask politely
'Cause the eggshells I've been treading
Couldn't spare me a beheading
And I'll know I had it coming
From a Caesar who was only slumming
Hey, kids -- look at this
It's the fall of the world's own optimist
Well, I could have objections
which you could override
But what's the point -- we're only flogging the horse
When the horseman has up and died
Once I testified
And swore I'd never leave a stone unturned -
I bet you're really glad that I lied
(Repeat chorus)
Hey, kids -- look at this
It's the fall of the world's own optimist
I could get back up if you insist
But you'll have to ask politely
Yes, you'll have to ask politely
Yes, you'll have to ask
From the Elvis Costello demo on All This Useless Beauty (Rhino reissue)
There's no charity in you
You took the eye in me
I never said you were a golden idol
With one extra arm or three or four
As you preyed upon mere mortals
That you were obliged to pick up
From the passing trade
Chorus:
Hey, kids -- look at this
Can't you see I'm the world's great optimist
I could get up now if you insist
But you'll have to ask politely
If by chance I feel insulted
And by fortune I've been halted
When in time I've catapulted
Into heaven I've been vaulted
Hey, kids -- look at this
Can't you see I'm the world's great optimist
There's no vanity in me
Because I'm quite convinced
I think I've finally got you out of my hair now
And I didn't have to rinse
Remember when I cried
And swore I'd never wash the lips you kissed
I bet you're really glad that I lied
(Repeat Chorus)
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“What a joust of verses to sing and tangle of fingers to play. Must practice and reprise quite soon. Your humble co-writer” — EC in Twitter exchange with Aimee Mann, June 2015
Aimee Mann version
“I wrote this song with Elvis Costello, one of my musical heroes. I'm the optimist in the song, and I'm having a sad realization that someone who was on a pedestal has fallen off.” — Aimee Mann - in liner notes for 20th anniversary reissue of Batchelor No.2, November 2020.
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